Time to grow.

Just like in this song by The Reelists... The one of a few that kept me alive thru the hardest days of my life... I don't know how to start.

The love of my life turned out to be the a liar, the worst liar I've ever met, liar with a double life. Liar with a family. It's been over 2 weeks since that I've learned the true about him and it's the very first time I am able to talk about it... And I just feel a need to put my thoughts here, cause they say it's the best to share your feelings with someone you don't even know, a lot easier, than telling it to your friends. So here I am, if anyone reads that.

I felt like my whole world has collapsed, everything I was doing I was doing for him, I was trying hard to be a real woman just for him and after all he didn't even said "sorry", one magic word for wasting 4 years of my time, for wasting my feelings and my trust. For breaking my heart into a small pieces, like a mirror. I wanted to slit my wrists, but I immediately understood that he ain't worth it. And right now I admire myself for surviving this, in past I felt like I'm gonna die if he ever leave me and now I feel a lot stronger, I'm greeting the adulthood with my arms open wide (that's from Shystie, another song that helped), I know I won't be that naive now and I'll think twice before I let someone into my heart. Or at least I'll be trying.

I would never think this can happen to me, that's like a damn soap opera without happy end or a french drama. That's the story for lyrics to sad song. Story of a dumb and dumber. But who was whom here?

It's time to grow.

This is way harder than I ever thought

This blog wasn't supposed to start this way, but looks like it will, because my current mood won't let me write anything else. I'm all in tears right now and the sky is crying with me, cause it's raining for the first time since april I guess.

That's crazy. I trust and I wanna trust, but I can't help the way I feel when we don't have a contact. In the days like this there are moments when I'm sure it's just because You are busy, but then there comes a thought "But what if You are mad at me? What if... What if...". And that's enough to make me feel just like a feel now. Depressed. Crying. I can't pay attention on anything else, start doing something to forget for a while. Everything around reminds me of You and my tears are coming back.

I'm too emotional, that's it. We know each other for so long that I can't imagine a day without you. A vision of it scares me out and I don't even know the words to describe they way I feel. They way I feel now. I got a terrible headache and I can't eat. I know if I try I'll throw it all up.

You are so so so far away from me, I can't just go and ask you what's wrong. There's nothing I can do, except of waiting. But waiting hurts. Over 2 weeks without a sign from My Love. Hurts me more with every little minute.